So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When are your genitals available?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
