i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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