dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
