dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
