My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
