I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
