Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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