You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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