Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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