I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
