# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
