You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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