I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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