Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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