I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
