i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
