Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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