We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
