Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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