My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
