So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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