Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
