my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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