While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
