Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
