You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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