i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
