This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
