Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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