In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
