I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
