Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
