you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
