tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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