took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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