my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
