I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this just has baby written all over it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
