That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
