guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
