Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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