so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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