everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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