I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
