He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think my moral compass just broke
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