Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
