so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
