Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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