i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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