how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
