A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Randomize
