she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
